THINKWELL

AGEWELL

What My Mom’s Dementia Taught Me About Living Well

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:26:16
Unknown
That’s what motivated me. If I can prevent and I’m in the prevention phase of this whole thing because I now have more information than I ever did before. My parents didn’t have that advantage of knowing that they could do something, to knowing that changing their diet would make a difference, to knowing that, you know, exercise would make this much different.

00:00:26:18 – 00:00:53:19
Unknown
Welcome. In this episode, I’m joined by the insightful and inspiring Jenna Abbott, whose story highlights the power of family, personal agency, and proactive health choices as we grow older. Janet opens up to me about her own health journey, as well as her family’s experience navigating dementia in her mother, including what she’s learned from supporting her, adjusting her own lifestyle, and embracing a path of prevention.

00:00:53:22 – 00:01:20:19
Unknown
After we recorded, Jenna reached out to me with a heartfelt message she wanted me to share with you in her words. In my family, both my grandmother and grandfather experienced cognitive decline. My parents, who each independently carry one Evo E4 4G, have been powerful examples for me. I also carry one copy of that gene, but learning that it’s a risk factor, not a diagnosis, was life changing.

00:01:20:22 – 00:01:55:06
Unknown
Seeing how differently that risk played out for each of my parents showed me how much influence we have. That’s why I started this program and why I believe it is worth the work. This conversation is about that belief that even in the face of genetic risk of family history, there’s hope, there’s power, and there’s possibility. You’ll hear about the role of diet, of sleep, movement and compassionate communication, not just in preventing decline, but in reversing cognitive impairment and in aging with grace and purpose.

00:01:55:08 – 00:02:22:29
Unknown
Let’s dive in. Jana, I am delighted to have you here. Really, it’s been a delight to get to know you and your family over the past few years, and I have invited you here really to share with our listeners not only your own story, but your mom’s as well. And your family is just such an inspiration. I tell people watching you guys communicate is like watching a game of volleyball, but everyone’s laughing, right?

00:02:23:02 – 00:02:45:03
Unknown
It’s watching you support each other, show up for each other, offer to pitch in in ways that are unique and creative, and then watching the love that you have for certainly for your parents, but really that all of you have for each other. It’s it’s inspiring. And I’m just so grateful that you are willing to be vulnerable and share your story here with us today.

00:02:45:05 – 00:03:11:12
Unknown
We had this guy starting with your health journey. One of the things that triggered me as mom was going through her process is I realized my health matches hers a lot. You know, when you look at family history. So when we started discovering some things about her, I thought, you know, let me go check into that and let me go check into that.

00:03:11:12 – 00:03:35:22
Unknown
And I found out that I needed a CPAp. I knew that I was snoring. That wasn’t a problem for me until I started realizing that it was really more about the damage that it was doing, because I wasn’t getting enough air, enough oxygen into my brain, and that it was going to have some other repercussions. And I started learning about things like that.

00:03:35:22 – 00:03:58:01
Unknown
So I started going down that path. And when I looked at getting ready to retire and I have a retirement checklist and a check plan, right. And it’s like, here’s all the things I need to do. There’s money, there’s plans, there’s oh, you know what? Let me double check on my health. It feels like now is a woman of my age.

00:03:58:01 – 00:04:30:28
Unknown
It’s time to do some of the things that you don’t get in a regular GP. Or, you know, you do your annual visits and that, but they don’t check everything. And after watching you helped my mom, I thought, you know what? You feel like a good person to come to to really help me through the full checklist and the Doctor Benson book, and it talks about all these little things that it’s like, if this is off and this is off, and I’m like, you know what?

00:04:31:00 – 00:04:58:00
Unknown
It’s time. So this became part of my retirement checklist, which I wish I kind of would have started this a little earlier, but we’re doing it now. And that’s when I came to you and we started going down this path. What are some of the biggest insights that you got as you went down this path, as you started on this health journey, and really prioritizing this as you look towards retirement?

00:04:58:03 – 00:05:28:24
Unknown
Well, one of the things that I was struggling with is I used to exercise a lot. Then Covid hit, you know, and everything was pretty much down for two years. And that and I was trying to kind of get back into some routine. I knew it was going to take me a while. It wasn’t like I was going to get back to where I was, but I was really struggling and I was just feeling like I had wet blanket on me and I just was having a really wasn’t just motivation, it was more physical than that.

00:05:28:26 – 00:05:50:01
Unknown
And one of the blood tests came back and the calcium was really high and I knew it was high in the doctors had been monitoring it not, but I didn’t know I even had a parathyroid. And and it turns out that that’s something that needed to be addressed. And I had the surgery to get that so that my calcium levels was fine.

00:05:50:04 – 00:06:12:13
Unknown
I am exercising three times more than I ever did before, and it’s easier that alone and just giving me my energy back. Make sure anyone who was driving don’t look up parathyroid on your phone right now. Like a little insight into what that is. So parathyroid hormone controls calcium in your blood. So parathyroid hormone doesn’t have a whole lot to do with your thyroid.

00:06:12:13 – 00:06:34:29
Unknown
It doesn’t control metabolism the way your thyroid hormones do, but it sits right behind your thyroid. So there’s four parathyroid glands. And they’re called parathyroid because they’re right by the thyroid. So they’re in your neck behind the thyroid gland. And it spits out this hormone called parathyroid hormone which controls calcium. Now that hormone only lasts about 15 minutes.

00:06:34:29 – 00:07:13:19
Unknown
It’s a very short lived hormone. But when it’s regularly elevated it will increase the calcium levels in your blood. And this might mean that it’s taking it out of your bones. And this can be very uncomfortable. And although not super common, it’s common enough that I’ve seen it many, many times in my practice. And Jana was one of those patients where we were able to do an intervention, refer her out to a specialist who could do the intervention of getting out the adenoma, as these are benign tumors that increase that parathyroid hormone in the system so that you’re at risk for mood disorders, fatigue, osteoporosis, kidney stones.

00:07:13:19 – 00:07:36:11
Unknown
There is a whole litany of basically downstream effects from having these parathyroid adenoma. As you know, this is something that everyone should be aware of. Our doctors generally all run a CMP or complete metabolic panel each year. And if your calcium level, which is included on that is regularly over 10.0, it’s a good time to double click and see.

00:07:36:11 – 00:07:59:16
Unknown
Here’s my symptom picture match that of a parathyroid adenoma. Now most labs won’t flag it until it’s over 10.5. So just take a look at yours and see if maybe this is something lining up for you. But I think generally the theme, even with Jenny with your story is you want someone to dig a little deeper, look a little closer, instead of saying, oh, that’s normal, that’s normal, that’s normal.

00:07:59:16 – 00:08:27:29
Unknown
When you’ve like that, your normal is what I was told. It’s like you have higher calcium because it’s getting high all the time. Right. And there are these kind of nuances or, you know, we say zebras, not horses, right? There’s the really common stuff like diabetes and heart disease that comes through every primary care providers office. And then there’s something like this where, hey, maybe if you get someone who’s spending a little bit more time, we might uncover something that’s pretty relatively easily treatable.

00:08:28:01 – 00:08:53:18
Unknown
Yeah. So the other thing that I have also encountered is speaking of those annual tests. My A1, c kept slowly going up and everybody kept writing it off, too. You’re just getting older naturally. Goes up as it gets older. Well, after I started eating on the keto diet and really paying attention to, I always knew that sugar wasn’t all that good.

00:08:53:21 – 00:09:18:19
Unknown
I knew processed food wasn’t always that good. The difference was I knew it. But once I finally changed my eating habits and got serious about it, now I could believe it. And I watched my numbers come way back down and I’m like, I knew it would make a difference, but I even told my daughter. I said, I’m shocked that it made that much difference.

00:09:18:21 – 00:09:37:03
Unknown
One thing at a time, right? Yeah. How empowering. And I think, you know, the parathyroid adenoma finding that and treating that. You mentioned you had more energy to exercise. Right. When we start to play with these things and we start to get serious about them, sort of opens up more possibility because we’re better rested. You mentioned the CPAp.

00:09:37:10 – 00:10:07:02
Unknown
Now that you’re better rested and you have the energy to exercise, you have the energy to make this better dietary decisions. And now that’s affecting your ANC. And it’s sort of this expanding circles or like a snowball effect, but in exactly the way we want to go. Yeah, I just feel overall so much better. I’ve spent more time doing some more research to start starting to understand things like fasting and exercise and trying to figure out what’s right for me.

00:10:07:03 – 00:10:32:01
Unknown
Right. The exercise thing, like a little, you know, it can be a real drag. But I found a combination of three things that I really enjoy and it made a huge difference. I had knee surgery a few years ago, and I was struggling with doing some walking. And I remember when I was at your office, she said, what’s with that gait?

00:10:32:01 – 00:10:58:02
Unknown
And you’re not? Doesn’t seem to be like you’re walking as well as you should be. And I said, yeah, I’m still, you know, messing with the physical therapy and, and really I was trying to exercise through and you referred me to the Gaskill Group. And I’m telling you, that made a huge difference as well. So again, just small steps.

00:10:58:05 – 00:11:17:22
Unknown
But now even as I’m walking through the office, people turn around and look. They never said anything before, mind you. But now there’s like, oh, you’re walking a lot better. You just kind of slowly pick one thing at a time and you’d make this huge step at the end of the day. Yeah. That’s amazing. So it got you, Ichi.

00:11:17:23 – 00:11:39:06
Unknown
Oh. See you, got you therapy or the ask you method. This is sort of an alternative to physical therapy. If you’re not making the progress that you wish you were with pain, physical pain, or with limitations, especially in your joints, in terms of range of motion or what you’re able to do because you could be something worth considering.

00:11:39:10 – 00:11:57:29
Unknown
The. A gentleman named Peter Augustine wrote a book called Pain Free in the 90s. It’s since been updated. That’s a fantastic resource. And there’s also a few clinics around the country and in fact internationally as well. So thanks for pointing that out. So tell us now what’s a typical exercise routine like for you compared to where you came from?

00:11:58:01 – 00:12:26:19
Unknown
I had a personal trainer for a long time, so I was doing mostly strength training and resistance training, and I could get up on the elliptical and not. And I still do some of that. But right now I’ve been really focusing on Pilates because I’m not really going to jumping anymore. Right? They’re just not my thing. I used to do Jazzercise 100 years ago, so I do the Pilates, the club Pilates.

00:12:26:22 – 00:12:49:02
Unknown
I do the yoga do, and then I also do the water aerobics because I really enjoy just being in the water and have a little social club going on with all of those different groups as well. I’ve met a lot of really nice people, which has been a lot of fun. That’s fantastic. Great fun is such an important piece of creating exercise routines that are going to stick.

00:12:49:04 – 00:13:14:25
Unknown
So I love that you found a social group to do it with that can motivate us right on those dark, cloudy, cold days. And you don’t really want to get in the pool. But if you know your friends are there and you’re going to have a good dab, then it’s worth showing up for, right? Yeah. And it’s interesting because with the water aerobics, because I live in Indiana, a lot of times I’ll be looking outside and I’m like, it’s snowing, I can’t go.

00:13:14:28 – 00:13:40:12
Unknown
So I kind of have to motivate myself to put on the suit, you know, put on some clothes over the top of it, walk into there and then actually do the class. And then it’s perfect because in that gym I also get a chance to do the sauna and then get the the heat and the sweating in a couple of times a week with it, and it warms you back up or you go back out in the snow so it works out perfectly.

00:13:40:14 – 00:14:02:25
Unknown
It sounds magical. So Joanna, paint a picture for us of what your life was like day to day. Describe some of the limitations, the struggles, the pain, what was going on 4 or 5 years ago before we met, and then how is that different from today? I knew the things that I needed to do, and I was having a hard time physically doing them.

00:14:02:28 – 00:14:25:17
Unknown
Like, if you’re sitting on one side of your house and you think about, okay, well, if I get up now, I can do those three things together as opposed to just getting up when you have to do something and then you get up the next time to do something. I mean, it got that bad and I had a lot of foot pain and knee pain and just a lot of struggle.

00:14:25:19 – 00:14:50:04
Unknown
Didn’t have a lot of energy. It was difficult. And I knew that if I could change things right, I had been on every diet in the world. Yeah, every single one of them. And they all worked for a while. But I’m telling you, there’s the keto thing, and just eating natural just makes you feel so much better. There’s days that I still struggle.

00:14:50:04 – 00:15:13:13
Unknown
I mean, you know, there’s temptations and all that kind of stuff out there. There’s a reason why all that other stuff sounds good. And, I know that sugar is addictive. Now, I can absolutely prove that. And I didn’t believe it before. Right? I’d heard it, but it didn’t believe it, and now I can see it. So that just takes you to the next step.

00:15:13:16 – 00:15:39:10
Unknown
It just helps you, motivate you, and it makes you stop to think about your choices, Ryan, and really make choices in your life, because it’s really nobody’s forcing you to do anything in particular. You’ve got to be motivated. I find that a lot of times when I know somebody and they’re like, you know, why don’t they just make this one little change?

00:15:39:13 – 00:16:01:23
Unknown
Well, truth of the matter is, they have absolutely no desire to make that change. So why would they? Ryan, it’s not even on their radar to think about making that change. So you got to choose what you want to see different in your life and figure out how you’re going to get there. And that’s one of the things that you refer to in the book.

00:16:01:23 – 00:16:25:05
Unknown
It’s like you don’t have to do all these things, but just pick one, pick to make this change, okay, that one didn’t work yet, so let’s go back and try it again. The thing in particular that I’m working on right now is wearing my own clean shoes in the house and leaving my dirty shoes on the door, and I keep walking around the house and I’m like, I got to change my shoes again.

00:16:25:07 – 00:16:50:16
Unknown
And it’s not a big thing, right? It’s easy to go back and just change them. But that’s just one more thing that I’m trying to add into my world, just to keep everything better, to keep iterating and that that’s part of it, right? You mentioned that you have a sugar addiction. So do I, right? We are human. That those things are tempting by design and and so making sure that we’re not too hard on ourselves.

00:16:50:16 – 00:17:19:06
Unknown
Right. We have that self-compassion and we just keep coming back to it. You mentioned the big things, right? Taking your shoes off at the door that is going to reduce your toxic burden at some level. But the big things you talked about exercise and diet and sleep, these are really, really big factors. And you saw the shift in your ability to move and your enthusiasm for movement and exercise versus being so fatigued, barely able to get up off the couch and walk across the room.

00:17:19:13 – 00:17:45:09
Unknown
So getting excited about going to water aerobics and doing your exercises and doing your strength training, this is and going to Pilates. This is fantastic. And it’s it’s a different life, right? When you’re agency is coming down rather than going up. Do you described a retirement checklist kind of setting yourself up to look forward to those years past retirement rather than read them well, and just to not think that everything is downhill, right.

00:17:45:12 – 00:18:03:01
Unknown
It doesn’t have to be that way. Again, you’ve got choices in your life and you just kind of figure them out. Somebody asked me kind of going back to the exercise thing, class is coming up and I know it’s coming up. And, you know, the little thoughts go around in my head and my, oh, I don’t want to go.

00:18:03:04 – 00:18:24:03
Unknown
You know, I just went yesterday, I don’t need to go today. You know, whatever those little thoughts are that they’re demotivating you. And then I get up and I go put my clothes on anyway. And I go to the gym and I sit in the parking lot and I kind of go through it again. It’s like, well, I could still go home.

00:18:24:05 – 00:18:45:11
Unknown
Okay. And they’re like, oh my gosh, how is it that you managed to get through your classes? And it’s like, because I know how I feel after I’m done. It’s the okay, those are nice thoughts. I can hear myself and they don’t make any difference. But the thing that does make a difference is how good I feel after I’m done.

00:18:45:13 – 00:19:12:27
Unknown
So that’s the thing that gets me through. And just like I have to keep thinking about where that is, that’s the motivator. Often. So you mentioned you got on this path because of where your mom is at and watching her journey. Now, I think most people listening you, me, your mom, we all wish that we’d started sooner and maybe learned some things earlier in life.

00:19:12:27 – 00:19:34:07
Unknown
If you were giving advice to say, the version of Jana from 5 or 6 years ago, what would you say to her? What would you wish you had kind of known in advance so that you could streamline this process? I wish I wouldn’t have believed those people that kept saying, this is just what happens when you get older.

00:19:34:10 – 00:19:56:01
Unknown
You know, it’s that line or or that’s not in the normal range, but that must be normal for you. You want to trust your doctors and you have good relationships with them and that. But at some point you really need to stop and be your own advocate. What else is there? Is there somebody else I need to talk to?

00:19:56:07 – 00:20:32:12
Unknown
When you choose a doctor, does that. Did they align with your thought process or do they just hand you another pill? It’s like, are you getting to the root cause of things or are you just making that pain tolerable? So it’s that process of don’t necessarily accept until you’ve really exhausted all your options and just keep digging. There’s a lot of philosophies out there, and I will follow several different doctors or read several different books and find out where the commonalities are and what works for me.

00:20:32:15 – 00:20:53:10
Unknown
Right. And then sometimes you have to try this for a while. Well, that worked kind of, but it didn’t work exactly. So what am I need? Just logically thinking and based on the new things that I’ve learned. But, you know, let’s try changing something up. Okay, so that didn’t work. That made it worse. Okay, well let’s go back and let’s try something else.

00:20:53:13 – 00:21:16:09
Unknown
It again, you’ve got to be your own advocate and figure out what’s the right thing for you. A lot of these diets or things that come up, it’s like, you know, I can’t eat either because I can’t deal with kale. Well, there’s a lot of other options. You’ve got to find what works for you, right? It’s like the exercise, what is fun for you get gets up in the morning, right?

00:21:16:09 – 00:21:37:04
Unknown
It doesn’t work if you don’t do it. And so figuring out ways to make it actionable, to make it implementable, that’s a key component. And it sounds like you’ve gotten there through quite a bit of trial and error. Like maybe there isn’t a shortcut to figuring out what works for you. Well, and I find eat a little bit different in winter than I do in summer.

00:21:37:10 – 00:22:15:22
Unknown
You know, it’s like I get to a certain point where I cannot eat another salad. I think I’m just going to die if I eat none, it’s all. And then I start steaming my vegetables and then, you know, it’s like, well, let’s try a different seasoning gourd, you know, like a full of variety. Gosh, online you can find 100 gazillion hito recipes, but then you have to read with the ingredients, because I’m finding out the keto isn’t keto everywhere or there’s variations of keto and, the net carbs and the real carbs that you got to sort through it right and realize the for me, it’s really about the carbs.

00:22:15:22 – 00:22:37:24
Unknown
If I can get the carbs down, makes huge difference. What do you notice? What is the difference that you see and lose weight? I mean, and weight been a battle for me since after I had my second child. I might go down quite a bit and then it goes back up. And not because I keep going back to some old bad habit.

00:22:37:26 – 00:22:58:20
Unknown
So if you go on a diet, you’re going to lose some weight. But if you go back to eating the way you were, that’s why it always comes back, you know? And you know, this, but you gotta gotta go through it a couple times to believe it and understand it and to own that. This is my choice. And this is what I’m eating tonight, right?

00:22:58:23 – 00:23:25:18
Unknown
Today may have been not my best choice, but tomorrow I get to start over again. How beautiful. Thank you. I also want to understand your mom’s journey a bit. This is how we originally met. So would you mind sharing when she’s always been amazing? She is one of those very creative people, very driven, very clear about all of the things she made.

00:23:25:18 – 00:23:46:16
Unknown
My sisters and mine wedding dresses without a pattern. Mind you, she just puts things together. She knows how to do stuff she’s done, like almost every craft in the world. Yeah, just on a whim, she made a couple of quilts in patterns for other quilters. She was asking them about it, and they’re like, is this your first quilt?

00:23:46:16 – 00:24:15:24
Unknown
Really? Because she picked something that was so difficult that nothing ever held her back. And I always felt that they were. My parents were an amazing, beautiful couple because my dad’s an engineer and my mom is so creative that between them we had just like all kinds of fun stuff in the house. It was when she was 80 years old, she woke up and she had had a stroke and they took her to the hospital.

00:24:15:24 – 00:24:38:06
Unknown
They didn’t catch it with whatever medicine they do in time, but she recovered pretty just fine. She’s left handed, but she lost a lot of the strength in her left hand, but she was very bound and determined to get that strength back. And she did physical therapy long after the doctors said. Probably not going to make any difference at this point.

00:24:38:06 – 00:25:03:26
Unknown
But she kept after it and she was very determined and clear that that’s what she wanted. And that’s just the kind of person she is. Right. And then after that, what she doesn’t exercise as much and fell down and broke her arm. And after that things started getting a little rough. And then she fell down and broke her hip.

00:25:03:28 – 00:25:32:14
Unknown
And at that point we realized that she was asking a lot of the same questions over and over and over again. And, and I know that part of the drugs that they give you to help you go through the surgery and all that kind of stuff, that kind of messes with your mind. And yeah, she came home from the hospital and she was asking when she could come home from the hospital and we’re like, something’s not up.

00:25:32:16 – 00:26:05:21
Unknown
You know? Something’s just not quite right. And my dad is amazing at his exploration of he will find anything the could potentially help me. And this is where we get it from, right? It definitely all comes from him. And he had heard about Doctor Brinson, and he read his book and he was all signed up for that. And so he found then you that had the Brennan Center situation and knew the program and that.

00:26:05:23 – 00:26:31:21
Unknown
So we brought mom to you, and we started going through that process. And then we found out, really, she was doing such a good job of hiding things. We didn’t realize how hard and how far she had fallen in her cognitive decline. And that was the scary, really terrifying. When I met your mom, she had a mock, a score of eight.

00:26:31:21 – 00:26:54:03
Unknown
So a single digit Moca score, which, although I have seen miracles happen over and over again, your mom being one of them, our confidence as spreaders and providers is not as high when someone comes in in their 80s after multiple falls of a stroke with a single digit Moca score, it’s a really big miracle. We’re asking for, right to see any change.

00:26:54:03 – 00:27:20:15
Unknown
And I remember you guys describing your mom as someone who was I mean, I describe her to your dad is constitutionally strong, right? She is a force that you can tell. It doesn’t matter how many times stand in her way, right? Stands in her way. She is amazing. Yet this is is a really big task. This is a big undertaking to hope for recovery for someone at this stage.

00:27:20:15 – 00:27:42:14
Unknown
And I think it was surprising to all of us because she’s very verbal, she’s very determined. And that really serves her, I think, in this case. So we got to meet, we measured where she was at and then share what happened when you guys went home. I could tell that she was going to be, you know, if anything boosts my confidence, it’s when someone comes in with a team and a team like yours.

00:27:42:14 – 00:28:13:10
Unknown
Like your family, like you guys are so present and willing to step in and help and take responsibility and make things happen. And so seeing that determination, not just from her but from your, your entire family, that was what gave me confidence when you guys left. So what happened when you went home? Well, dad had already started keto, and, he had already discovered that through, Doctor Gundry and that that we realized now how important that was.

00:28:13:12 – 00:28:36:28
Unknown
So he stepped that up even a little bit further. And we started on the supplements and she’s also those daily exercises now. We always keep hoping that we can get her to do a little bit more. But, you know, one thing at a time, one piece at a time. As a matter of fact, she just started doing Pilates.

00:28:37:01 – 00:29:00:21
Unknown
Yeah. She started. Yeah. She just started some private lessons to see how that’s going to work for her. You can see the difference in the process. You can tell that she’s understanding things better. She doesn’t have the same questions the same way, but she always wants to understand why she’s taking which supplements and that kind of thing. I mean, that’s the kind of person she is.

00:29:00:21 – 00:29:18:15
Unknown
She just. It’s like, I’m fine, I’ll take these pills, but I want to know what they’re for, right? Tell me again. Look there for and then we’ll get to go. Oh yes, I want that, I want that that’s going to help my kidneys and that’s going to help my liver. That’s going to help my brain. Yep. Give them to me.

00:29:18:15 – 00:29:39:18
Unknown
I’m. I’m good to go. And when we first met, I think I remember you guys describing holidays, how she had been a hostess. Right? She was creative. She loved to decorate. She loves to invite everyone to have all the family over. But the Christmas before we met, she was really down and dejected and she was kind of hiding in the corner, not wanting to talk to anybody.

00:29:39:18 – 00:30:10:14
Unknown
Probably afraid that she was going to miss something or forget something. And then a year later, she was in a pretty different state. Can you kind of describe that? From what I’ve seen and what I’ve experienced with her? Because I realize the, the connection, overcorrection, that was one thing that I really went through. And I know this is kind of an aside to your question, but I didn’t understand what she was going through.

00:30:10:14 – 00:30:39:26
Unknown
And I kept trying to put myself in in her position in that if you can’t process the conversation that’s going on around you, it makes it really difficult, makes you feel like you’re left out, and then pretty soon you just kind of shut down and stop listening because it’s like, well, that’s just too confusing. I mean, I could potentially do that at work when they’re start talking technical stuff and I’m like, you know, catch me up later because I’m not away on.

00:30:39:28 – 00:31:03:08
Unknown
So that Christmas in particular or even her cousins noticed that she was a lot more quiet and just kind of reserved. And it was about a year later that she’s back in the conversation. There’s still days that, you know, can be a little bit harder, but she’s back in the conversations and she wants to know, you know, what’s going on.

00:31:03:08 – 00:31:23:08
Unknown
And she wants to know what’s on the menu and all that. Yeah. If she’s not, she’s not running the house to stuff. Dad kind of took that over. He really loves to party and that way he has control over the menu and he knows we’re eating healthy. His mom will go back to some of the old recipes that probably don’t service as well.

00:31:23:11 – 00:31:43:08
Unknown
I love it, that’s great. I think this is part of the miracle when we measured her mocha, it was it had gone from an eight to a 15, and she sustained a mocha score right around that level. And and hopefully so continue to get better and better, especially now that she’s going to Pilates. She’s getting that dual task exercise strength training.

00:31:43:10 – 00:32:04:04
Unknown
Yeah. And I think the CPAp made a huge difference because her mood is so much better in the morning. If she chooses one night not to wear it. Just a little bump there in the morning. But if she when she wears it, she gets so much better sleep. So this is one of the big, big takeaways of her case.

00:32:04:04 – 00:32:26:27
Unknown
And it as a clinician, it made me wonder how much memory loss, how much average age related memory loss is actually sleep apnea. Okay. We know how important how crucial good, high quality sleep is to cognitive function, right? All of us can relate to this, to being jet lag, to missing a night of sleep and then feeling like our brain just doesn’t work the next day.

00:32:27:00 – 00:32:48:17
Unknown
And so when we have this night after night after night, decade after decade, and maybe it even happens suddenly, it it slowly changes. You mentioned at the very beginning of our conversation, does it matter to you that you snore? Right? And your dad probably takes his hearing aids out at night so he doesn’t hear your mom story. But what matters is the quality of your sleep that we need to get that deep sleep.

00:32:48:17 – 00:33:17:17
Unknown
We need REM sleep. We need enough sleep. And if we don’t, our brain is not going to function. It’s going to increase our risk of neurodegenerative disease. And we know that REM sleep disorders are associated with Parkinson’s disease. There are very clear connections between neurodegeneration and sleep deprivation. And your mom was I learned so much from Doctor Bettis and Doctor Gentry and other luminaries we have on this show, and from my teachers, of course, and my mentors over the years.

00:33:17:19 – 00:33:41:00
Unknown
But my patients teach me more than anything. When and your mom was one of those really eye opening, like a light bulb went off. I need to test every single person that walks in here with any symptom of cognitive impairment. For sleep apnea. Because of the miraculous, this profound benefit it can have for the brain. So she went from an eight to a 15.

00:33:41:02 – 00:34:06:06
Unknown
She went from not really being engaged in Christmas celebrations and holiday celebrations to getting back into the conversation. Her life really changed. Rather than going down the expected downhill slope rate towards more decline, she turned that around. She reversed the direction and came back. Back into the conversations, back into life. A more fulfilling life. Back into that relationship with her dad that’s more of a partner than a dependent.

00:34:06:08 – 00:34:26:25
Unknown
And that is what we want for everyone. That is why Jana has been so, so kind to share her time with us and that story, her family’s story with us is because this, I think it’s more inspiring than anything that I could drone on about or write about in a book. It’s stories like your mom’s. It’s made a huge difference.

00:34:26:25 – 00:35:02:20
Unknown
And just in talking to her and remembering stories, and she just loves to do her puzzles and anything, she’s she’s working hard on having a goal every day. She’s working hard and making sure she accomplishes some things. Now, you know that it’s very driven, very motivated, and that’s that’s inspirational to me. I’m very proud of how much I have had some friends that have had moms that just kind of gave up and didn’t exercise and didn’t try.

00:35:02:22 – 00:35:41:04
Unknown
And, you know, they’ve already lost them. And it just breaks my heart. And I’m like, do you want to try anything? They’re like, think, you know, one thing is knowing. One thing is believing. When you can see it and it makes a difference. You’re so much more signed up. Yeah, so much more committed because you’re experiencing it. And I wonder if some of the people who give up, if it’s because they believe that old narrative, right, that there’s nothing that you can do that, that their experience is normal, that you just inevitably decline with age, that life is just going to get worse, not better.

00:35:41:07 – 00:35:59:23
Unknown
And I think it’s stories like yours, like your moms, that start to show people, hey, there’s a different possibility out there. There’s a there’s a different option. We can really be empowered. We can take control of our health as we age, and we can look forward to those golden years rather than dread them. I think it’s worth a try anyway.

00:35:59:23 – 00:36:30:28
Unknown
I mean, that’s what motivated me. It’s like I if I can prevent and I’m in the prevention phase of this whole thing, right. It’s like if I can prevent because I now have more information than I ever did before, my parents didn’t have that advantage of knowing that they could do something to knowing that changing their diet would make a difference, to knowing that, you know, exercise would make this much different before you just did it because you were supposed to.

00:36:30:29 – 00:37:00:02
Unknown
And, you know, you could keep moving. But now that if it improves your brain as well, it’s even more motivating. So we be so do you have any other tips for people who are just starting out on this journey? I think the the key thing, it’s in your book and the thing that I look at is every once in a while I’ll reread and I’m like, okay, I need to add one more thing, but just if you can just add one thing, the diet and exercise of the things that are the easiest, right?

00:37:00:05 – 00:37:23:25
Unknown
Get a sleep study. Don’t be afraid to find out at least where you’re at. Get the information right. It’s like if you can start with the information, then you get to make your own choices and you get to take your own path. But if you don’t know that you have sleep apnea, if you don’t know that you’re A1, C is out of control and not in, you know you don’t want to end up being diabetic or not.

00:37:23:28 – 00:37:43:26
Unknown
Get the information, then make your choices. And if you can only do them one at a time, do them one at a time. If you can only do it for a week at a time, do. We could just start somewhere, right? And take control of your life and choose your life. You still live right to live that fulfilling an amazing life that’s there for you.

00:37:43:28 – 00:37:52:00
Unknown
Yeah, and I’m curious what brings you joy as you look towards retirement?

00:37:52:02 – 00:38:20:06
Unknown
That’s part of that retirement checklist, right? It’s kind of funny. I’m looking forward to donating some of my time and volunteering some of my time, and I’m trying to figure out where those things are that are the best for me. And one of the things that I’m most excited about is I’m looking into a program right now where the babies that are in the hospital, because they have to stay there longer than their parents, and they just need somebody to come and cuddle them and hold them.

00:38:20:08 – 00:38:43:26
Unknown
And then it just seems so incredibly joyful to me. And something that I know means something. When they’re that little, they just need somebody to look them in the eye and hold them and care for them. So things like that. I’m also having an awfully lot of fun with my grandkids right now, watching them learn and grow and explore.

00:38:44:00 – 00:39:09:25
Unknown
We spend a lot of time in the library and talking about all of the different information that all these people have done work on. All these people have information on, and all we have to do is load a library and gather it. It’s amazing. So we have conversations like that, and then I’ve been having fun teaching them the things my arts and crafts and stuff that I’ve done just to expose them.

00:39:09:27 – 00:39:27:28
Unknown
They don’t have to ever do them again, but at least they know now how to sew on a bedroom. And you know some basic things cooking. You know, those are the things that bring me a lot of joy outside of doing a little bit of research and learning, trying to share joy and kindness. I guess a lot of it right now.

00:39:28:00 – 00:39:48:03
Unknown
How inspiring when people are struggling with Alzheimer’s and dementia and not as with it cognitively. It can be frustrating at times to communicate. You are hearing the same question over and over again, or you ask a question or give a directive and they’ve forgotten. That could be a struggle. And I know that you experienced that a bit with your mom.

00:39:48:03 – 00:40:17:10
Unknown
Is there anything you wish you had known, or any tips that you have for other people who might be in that situation? Well, one of the things I knew then, I’m not supposed to argue. I know that I’m not supposed to correct, but it’s so difficult when they say things that, you know, or just often left field. And I don’t even know how to respond to that because I just don’t even understand where you even came up with that idea.

00:40:17:13 – 00:40:47:27
Unknown
And I remember the first time I heard you talk about it was in a webinar, which was connection, overcorrection. And then there’s more in the book about it. And then I know that you’ve also got some other supportive documents and information in that. And I was struggling. I go out to visit mom since I’m in another state, and I go out to visit mom, and I’m out there for, you know, 2 or 3 weeks at a time.

00:40:47:29 – 00:41:13:22
Unknown
And there was one time the yeah, she ended up getting very, very upset with me because I just wasn’t handling things as well as I could. And so I’ve really spent time thinking about when I have a conversation with her, and it didn’t go the way I wanted it to or it caused some upset. And I’m like, oh, that really didn’t happen the way I wanted it to.

00:41:13:25 – 00:41:45:11
Unknown
And if really think about where is she at when it’s really important is what she’s telling me have anything to do with how I feel about her and how the answers to those it. No, I know for sure now. Right. It’s it’s more how do I provide comfort? How do I spend time with her? How do I want her to feel about our relationship?

00:41:45:13 – 00:42:12:23
Unknown
Because I know when she deals with other people and they’re kind to her, she always makes a point to say that that person was really kind and gentle with me. Right? It’s like that part that the whole rest of the story can be complete, often left older. Not what I thought was going on. I mean, I’m not always there, but she comes back and she can always tell you that’s how she feels about it.

00:42:12:23 – 00:42:38:03
Unknown
It’s the kindness that you portray and that you give her. And once I finally got there, my relationship with hers changed back to where it was again. We’re in the good place. If this is not easy, we’re all human and this is so much easier said than done, right? Everyone of us wants to go in. If you’re listening to this, it’s because you have a loved one that you care about, right?

00:42:38:03 – 00:42:59:15
Unknown
And and you’re showing up. You’re doing the hard work, you’re getting the information. And then when we go to do it, it is hard work, right? We have our patterns. This is your mom and you’ve got years of baggage right in this relationship. And it can be really challenging to stay in that place of compassion when she’s saying something that’s clearly erroneous.

00:42:59:18 – 00:43:22:11
Unknown
But when we do, if we come back to what is our goal? And I think you’ve stated that so beautifully, like, what is my goal? It’s to spend quality time with her. It’s to amplify the joy of the time that we have left together. Growing old is a privilege. Not everybody gets that. And having your mom around, you mentioned that you have friends who have lost their parents.

00:43:22:14 – 00:43:52:02
Unknown
It’s such a privilege to have our parents around now. What is the quality of the relationship and the quality of the time that we want to spend? And if we put that effort in to changing how we respond, even in those challenging moments, we get out of it what we put into it. Yeah. Especially when if you were trying to connect thoughts together and you’re having a hard time putting those thoughts together and you’re just aggravated because you can’t connect pieces in your own head, regardless of what’s going on around you.

00:43:52:05 – 00:44:13:17
Unknown
The last thing you need somebody to tell you you’re having a hard time for God sake. You just really need somebody to reassure you that it’s okay because they are in a safe place. They are with somebody they love, and at the end of the day, that’s the only thing that’s really important, okay? That’s how you made them feel.

00:44:13:19 – 00:44:40:26
Unknown
And that being the real and really crucial piece is, you know, there’s so much wisdom from your experience. Is there anything else that you want to share with our listeners today? Just be patient, be curious. Don’t let wherever you’re at that you think that that’s the only answer. Just keep going and change things up. Sometimes you just need a little bit of change.

00:44:40:26 – 00:45:17:05
Unknown
And so you just got to figure out what that next piece is. Think about it. Planet, you may end up coming back, but don’t be afraid to change. Don’t be afraid to explore. Don’t be afraid if something doesn’t work and you come back. Channel. You are an inspiration. Your family is an inspiration. I’m so grateful to you for sharing this story of hope where they have hope of resilience, of commitment to this future, to this brighter future, to really owning that and doing the hard work that it takes to make sure that you can move and engage and teach your grandkids.

00:45:17:09 – 00:45:38:18
Unknown
This is this is a big part of why I do the work that I do is that intergenerational wisdom transfer that you get to take your wisdom and experience that you’ve collected over the course of a lifetime, and pass it down to your grandkids and have a good time doing it. Thank you so, so much for joining me and for sharing this incredible story today.

00:45:38:20 – 00:45:55:04
Unknown
It’s been a pleasure having you. Thank you, Doctor Sanderson, and I thank you so much for your time and just the love and compassion that you’re sharing with us here today. You know that so many people are going to get so much value out of this. So thank you for your guidance, because without you, I wouldn’t have been here now.

00:45:55:07 – 00:46:28:26
Unknown
Yeah, it’s a privilege to be of service. Thank you so much for listening to the Think Well Agewell podcast. If you enjoyed today’s conversation, please take a moment to subscribe, leave a review and share this episode with someone you care about. It’s one of the best ways to help others discover tools and inspiration for aging well. To stay connected, get bonus resources, and never miss an episode, head over to doctor Heather sanderson.com and join my email list.

00:46:28:29 – 00:46:41:13
Unknown
Until next time, keep thinking. Well, an aging on purpose.